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Cosmic Creations (Results)

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Cosmic Creations (Results) Empty Cosmic Creations (Results)

Post by FantasyBound November 30th 2022, 9:23 pm


THEME:Cosmic Creations


1st Place: Tea

Score: 130


Vorik: 33

Eddie: 34

Nate: 32

Si: 31


Vorik: This is a bit of a weird entry for me as this is a direct continuation of your entry for the Extreme Extraterrestrials contest we had 2 years ago. Funny enough, I was a judge for that as well. My issue is that I gave that entry very high marks because I loved the concept of it and believed it fit very well with the alien theme. Because of this I am in a bit of a unique situation. I’ve seen this concept before because you outright submitted it before but this is a continuation focusing more on the actual cosmic being than the human part. So, do I take away points for lack of creativity because it's the concept from before? I'm not sure what the right answer is so I'll just view this in one question. Does this fit the cosmic theme of the contest? This is an eldritch entity who was created from multiple realities who has near endless power. I think the best quote to look at is “Liva Upp's motives seem to follow a similar nature of becoming more akin to a sentient force than a specific individual.” This character is less of a person and more of a force of nature with power on the cosmic scale here. Overall, I do think the char works very well here but I do have to stress my weird position in that I gave high marks to the human counterpart for much the same reason why I think this works as being unique.

Grammar 4
In total, I only found 3 errors. I only give a perfect score of 5 to an entry with no errors at all but very well done, just shy of perfect.

Graphics 3
You went out of your way to have a custom background and a music player. For your clear effort, I have to give you full points.

Would a paperback version of this save me in the event of an ice age and it was my only source of fuel to stave off freezing to death?
It really depends on the type of paperback it is. If it's written on pulp then absolutely not, I'm fucked. But if it's one of those special limited edition ones then maybe although I wouldn't take my chances.

Eddie: I got to say Tea, this is another slam dunk for ya. You truly hit it out of the park with another slammer of a character. Everything about this guy works. his powers are awesome, his story is detailed and enjoyable to read, and  even the sheet is gorgeous to look at. If I had any gripes, It would have to be I got this sense of deja vu when reading this character. I swear I've read a character like this from you before. Even then I still have to give you credit where credit is due, it's why you still got such high marks from me. Honestly, I even know if I was stranded on an island with this paperback book, It might save my life since it's long enough to be fuel for a long time.

Nate: Hey man, I think you did really well on this! You had a clear idea of what you wanted to write, a clear idea of the concept and a pretty deep lore written up for them. In terms of science fiction creativity, you hecking crushed it. This was great from a creative standpoint and I love how you presented the story, logs and the process of some sci-fi machine, and then thought, but there was still emotion in it. I thoroughly enjoyed it and had to read a few times to make sure I got it all right, which each time I did enjoy going back. I would've gone higher for creativity, but after reading the other judges' scores and reviews, apparently this was an idea that you've done before or tried to submit before, so felt as though I should hold back a bit. Regardless, you executed it very well, I love the visual changes to the sheet, and honestly, I just love all the work and thought that has gone into this character. You really blew it out of the park. Just really “out of this world” and I can't wait to see what'll happen when he’s finally free.

Si: I am a little less forgiving about the fact that this character has been submitted before. I judge the creativity based on three little sub-sections. Originality, Fascination and ultimately the most important is Uniquity of presentation. I am saddened that this is a resubmission, however that doesn't take away from the NEW perspective and angle you've taken with it. After all, every story has already been told, all we can do is hope to portray them differently right? It is absolutely a fascinating concept so that's a win there for me. You have the originality of the character and the new portal the "unique spin" to it. But this character was not ORIGINALLY created for this contest.  This is a truly fun character and I would say you absolutely handled them creatively, but modifying or shifting focus on an idea is not as creative as designing a brand new thing.  I do absolutely love this though. Good work! You creatively adapted a new perspective to the concept of your character and I love it!


Contest winner title and profile customization
200 flat XP

2nd Place: Vexus

Score: 112


Vorik: 25

Eddie: 28

Nate: 32

Si: 27


Vorik: The idea that some cosmic beings decided to turn Earth into a playground for their amusement is not unheard of so this isn't really that creative of a concept. However, I liked where you went with it in the char themselves.  There isn't much personality written for the char other than they just want some peace and quiet. That is a character I can fully relate to and had I been granted godlike power I would probably want the same. I also liked how the real intent of the cosmic beings was to make a weapon using the creativity of the human race. That does help in making this more unique. Overall, your entry has some good ideas built on a concept done before and I think you executed it very well.

Grammar 2
There were numerous typos all throughout the entry.  This could have used a reread on your part to find most of these errors.  In total, I counted about 41 errors. I had some issues reading your entry due to the errors.

Graphics 1
This is stock-standard as far as templates go.

Would I watch this over National Treasure 2?
Maybe. National Treasure 2 while good, just isn't as good as the first one. Nicolas Cage is one of the actors of all time so I'm hard-pressed to miss out on him but I haven't had the urge to watch National Treasure 2 as I do with the Bee Movie so I'm going to have to answer with a maybe, depending on the day.

Eddie: I got to Say Vexus, You really won me over with this one. The more I read it, the more I wanted to be like a part of the world and the story. The fact it doesn't take itself seriously is a big win for me. a concept like this deserves some fun. I do have to admit though it's not the most unique idea, you even referenced this fact a little in your story. Still did a good job with the concept though. Grammar could of used some work, even I noticed some mistakes as I read. Beyond that, The only thing I have left to say Is I definitely prefer this to National treasure 2 as this is actually interesting.

Nate: Vexus, this is just a cool character. From power to backstory, this was just really fun to read and I could just see so many stories and plotlines done with them. From a creative standpoint, the bio is great for establishing the character’s beginnings. I wanted to know more, I wanted to delve deeper into what your character would get into. You wrote in a way in which I wanted more, which is the perfect way to write a story or a character. It was a simple, good idea done really well, which I think are the best kind of ideas and characters, so just great marks across the board. Grammar could use work, graphics were basic, though glad we got a visual on the character at the very least! Absolutely stellar job!

Si: The story starts human, mundane and in a true homage to Lovecraft you turn that on it's head. Instead of cosmic dread and horror you invoke revolution and action. Doing so means that you sacrificed mysticism and the unknown. Those are both very big things that are synonymous with the concept of the cosmos. There are some mysteries and questions you're left with at the end of Vince's story but by then all too easy to piece together. The upper beings using humanity as an experiment is not a new concept, but how it gives birth to Lovecraft's "Blind-Idiot God" is unique, and the alien concept that the creature only desires to sleep forever is a new interpretation that I enjoy. All in all, good work you took a very old and very obvious name and lived up to it while at the same time making your interpretation of it so vastly unique that it's an original spin. It's not a concept you could bitch me, but the final product would change my mind.


150 flat XP

3rd Place: Oblivious J

Score: 108


Vorik: 26

Eddie: 27

Nate: 28

Si: 27


Vorik: This is probably the hardest area for me to grade as creativity is subjective. While one can think something is very unique, another could have read that idea in 12 other places. I feel like using a god emperor for the cosmic theme is playing it a bit safe. There were cool ideas you had for the lead up like the time dilation to solve the Apocalypse but I can't help but feel like it was retreaded ground that a lot of god emperor types do. The world is in chaos and anarchy, god emperor manages to save the world and unite the people, a cult forms around them, and they become too powerful to personally act in the setting. I was hoping for something more out there when it came to something being a cosmic presence. I did enjoy how you wrote her weaknesses and powers in that she is so consumed with being the savior of everything that her first thought of being controlled is to essentially kill and replace herself. I also liked how she is so full of herself that some of her clones/versions have actually rebelled against her. A really awesome way to show how far she’s gone.

Grammar 4
In total, I counted 14 actual errors. There were more that I noticed but those were more of your writing style and word choice than actual errors on your part. Overall I had no issues with reading your entry and thought it was well constructed. I would pay more attention to your commas in the future though.

Graphics 1
This is stock-standard as far as templates go.
Would I watch this over the Bee Movie?
No, the Bee Movie is a cinematic masterpiece and this holds no candle to it. You just can't beat it.

Eddie: I got to say, You did a really good job with this sheet. The Story, the powers, even the look is overall just really an enjoyment to read. With that said though, it was a bit.....Cliche at time. Just seemed like such a good to for Cosmic beings. Big power/Ego/Problems is great and all but even I have to point it out when i see it. Grammar Was pretty good. Saw a couple of mistakes here and there but nothing huge. Overall, I loved the sheet and I'm glad to see it sitting in this contest. Sadly would still watch the Bee Movie over this. Sorry, I like Jazz.

Nate: As a big fan of alien races, you really were winning me over with this character. I love how in your writing we got tidbits, just tiny little bits of old lore which could be pieced together to get a larger picture of the race and their society, especially if the Matriarch resembles the ancient forms of them (perhaps in more ways than just appearance). While the idea of a intergalactic space empress has been done a few times before in fiction and other creative mediums, it is done so much because it is a good, fun idea, so I didn’t judge to harshly on that. I did want something to set her aside more from the others, I'm not sure what, but she lined up too closely to what I think of when I think of space empress. Otherwise, great character, can't wait to see what they do! Definitely gonna gravitate towards this character!

Si: Even when The Empress was only a scientist and her problems felt relatable, they completely dedicated to the cosmic and celestial theme. When she became the embodiment of power, she was still all about them stars, black holes and creation. I will say that it started to feel less about the cosmos itself and more about simply power, but the vast majority flows in the cosmic sea of ideas. Your contest submission was very immersive and you even left a TLDR or TSCC 'system:' explanation to ensure the flavour and flamboyance of the text didn't cause fog or confusion. Adore that. The fact most of it was grammatically correct too is a huge win. Sincerely this was great. My only critique comes from the concept which bled a little bit into the execution. Conceptually solid but it's cosmic source seems to be entirely tied to their galactic exodus and then greater-than-comprehension technology that surrounds her. It conceptually she feels more technology than cosmic, but it never feels like you compromise on the cosmic scale. This one is really hard to judge. I'd give it a B...for Bee Movie.


Free Advancement
100 flat XP

4th Place: B

Score: 97


Vorik: 22

Eddie: 25

Nate: 26

Si: 24


Vorik: I see what you were going for here with the cosmic theme. A goddess born from the stars with that as her domain. While this is cosmic the character itself reads as more of a human pantheon god like Zeus or Jupiter. I would not consider a pantheon god like this to be cosmic as just about everything they do is confined to tales on Earth. What I expect from a cosmic theme is being an actor on the cosmic scale. You did say she can create cosmic bodies like planets and stars but the focus of the char is on strictly Earth, not the galaxy or reality in total.  That all being said, I thought this was an excellent take on a god whose domain is on the cosmos.

Grammar 3
Why is most of the story passage in italics? I also found roughly 9 different errors in your entry with most of them being capitalization issues.

Graphics 1
This is stock-standard as far as templates go.

Would this keep my 8 year old nephew entertained for 2-minutes?
No, my nephew is a barbarian who doesn't like to read. He’d prob look at the pretty picture for like a second then just run off to go play on his Switch. The kid is 8 and he already has a smartphone and a Switch. Kids these days are spoiled rotten.

Eddie: While I'll admit she's certainly not the most powerful among the entries, I feel like she still found her fitting among them. II might be in the minority here but small celestial power and being mostly on earth still works for me. As for the character itself, I got to admit I liked her a lot better than I expected. She truly won me over with her story and powerset. I also should mentioned I loved the art you used for her, whoever drew that really got the theme of the character down to a tee. I did see a number of grammar mistakes mixed in there but nothing that made it unreadable. Overall, I think you did a great job really crafting the character. I'd say i hope to see her in a thread soon but I don't think that's going to happen with this concept. As for my 8-year-old Cousin, He has a PS4, Girls are not really on his mind yet.

Nate: Hey Bun! I enjoyed your concept a lot, I am often intrigued by deities in space or from other planets and cosmos, only for them to end up on Earth. I do appreciate that she is also not as powerful as others, which I think is cool, given that she is some form of god, that something that got me interested in her. Still, I felt a bit distant from the character, didn't feel like I got to know her too well. I think in her story it would’be benefited if we saw her interact more with another, talk to someone more or given us a story or legend about a specific moment in her story rather than the grand overview and everything that has happened to her. It was telling and not so much showing. Either way, I did really like her! I also gave ya an extra point for the art, it looks your style, I think? Looks great, always enjoy seeing your art! Really quite the star you've done!
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Si: Born of her mother's death, risen and brought to existence with an anthropomorphic features regarding an animal of choice, and having a natural phenomena tied intrinsically to their body, hair and/or eyes. She is absolutely a celestial body, and I can see the creative ways you attempted to bring them about. She is unlike the others she is compared to, she is neutral and seems to benefit less a Goddess or Queen of stars but a confidant and a teacher. She hits all the boxes of being unique in personality, though where this begins to fall apart is the execution of how you brought this character to life.  This character is all about the cosmos, but is written like they are just another Greco-Roman play off, just "another" deity. The character has the cosmos around them, but does not feel as though they themselves work upon a celestial level. They spare wisdom to people, they travel the earth, they watch and study.  I hate to say that you failed I'm your executive method because....well you simply made them TOO human oriented or focused. Even as a star in her own place, she watched humans. She honestly feels perfectly like the Goddess of Dreams to a T, the cosmic aspects of her seem almost to play a secondary role.  She absolutely is creative, and a new and unique spin but with everything being Earthen focused and lacking that cosmic and celestial nature other than simply her birth, it doesn't FEEL like a cosmic being beyond the circumstances of her birth. She feels more like a wise and badass dream goddess that would try to bring enlightenment through dreams.


50 flat XP

Your all awesome! Especially the graders, love the work they put into the comments throughout!

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