Trivent Trifecta: Part One Results!

 
Chelle: Oh wow. Okay. what a wild trip. There was a lot going on at first, especially with the tastes and the different emotions and reactions to everything that Fen was experiencing. I found the concept of Etta being some old, ancient goddess quite charming. A good little story, and I quite liked the empath bits. I ran into a handful of run on sentences, and a few misuses of words. Overall a good read, and a very excellent story, Toshi.

Pat: Not sure where to start with this one. Reading Fen wrestling with the cold and the dangers of it was pretty interesting, especially with how the strange robotic angels were also built up.  How they were becoming something that was starting to take more and more people, that was pretty great. His encounter with the broken one and the subsequent encounter was equal parts harrowing and exciting. I look forward to seeing what he does next!

Nate: A really enjoyable story that was executed very well. Descriptions were expertly done to convey ideas and images and the story had a progressive trail forward through it making it easy to read! In terms of gripes, I have very few. There were a few run-on sentances that really felt that way and while I do like the graphics you used, the faded blue text on the dark blue background did make it a bit hard to read (still appreciate the effort that went into making a custom coded background though which bumped your graphic score up for me). Again, though, an excellent story.


200 flat XP

Chelle: I love me a dude with wings, and even more so, a frog wizard. The concept of an old wizard being potentially a bad guy at first was a nice lil twist - him maybe knowing too much about the nest - and then him being truly the old wise toad that dies was also a nice twist. The flow of this story was wonderful, in my opinion, and I enjoyed how you left it off. Overall, good job Sage.

Pat: Yorin is a character with a fascinating, even interesting history that seems to inform why and how he interacts with the world around him. His clash with The Durligh, a strange void-born race is compelling in how it forces him to fight despite how thankless those around him might end up being. I’d love to read more of this character and see what he could become. A few color coding problems but otherwise it’s good.

Nate: The setting you wrote about is familiar enough that it is easy to follow, but unique in a way that captures interest and I thoroughly enjoyed that aspect. You found a way to refer to terms, phrases, and aspects that were common to the people of this world in a way that wasn't lost on the reader; which was something I considered to be an expert touch on the story. We were given enough context clues to follow along with it and I just love to see it. Great story, and can't wait to see more.


150 flat XP

 
Chelle: Such a juicy, interesting detail of how King Chime- I mean, Vorvadoss saves Eugenia from their greedy, evil tryrant king. Hehehe. I enjoyed every detail, although a few inconsistencies with some of your sentences - still well written. Midnite is adorable, and I love the sneaky addition of other characters tied into the story near the end. Good job, Zell.

Pat: The story of a New King to one of the many nations of Eugenia as well as those that follow him closely. It really fleshes out who they each are as people and hope they affect the world around them. I enjoyed Vorvadoss’ conversation with the former king, short as it may be, as well as how they interact with the peoples of their new kingdom.  It’s nice to see some of the ruling class of this fantasy world, even if they are  not exactly native. I look forward to what this ruler and his retinue do in the future. There were a few typos which brought the grammar section down but that’s about it here.

Nate: I love all the personality that all the side characters have and how they relate to the new king.  Their interactions between each other felt developed and fleshed out despite us, the reader, only getting a small glimpse into this world. I think overall that was the story's biggest strength and I want to see more of these relationships develop as we go forward!


100 flat XP

 
Chelle: Okay, good read. I enjoyed the dynamic between Scarlet and Finn. I wish you had given a bit more about Finn - was he regenerating before he passed out? Is he fully regenerated now? Is he some mangled mess? I am a bit curious to that. Otherwise, a good classic cult demon slaying. I did like the lil treasure chest poppng up, and the lack of a spell to ungay someone. Nice work here, J.

Pat: Finnegan solving the murder of Clark was an interesting tale. From his meeting with Scarlet down to facing the mad man responsible as well as dealing with the revelation that came at the end. Gave me the feeling of Dresden Files but that’s a pretty good thing in my opinion.

Nate: This was not what I was expecting and that's a good thing! I really like the average day as a "hero" in New Boston, it was a great take on this contest and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it! I have very little to say in terms of things that were not good/I didn't enjoy. On my last positive note, there were some genuienly funny lines and that's always a good pull for me! Really loved what ya did here!


50 flat XP

 
Chelle: Overall a good read, and digestible. Had a few minor spelling errors, and a few words that seemed out of place. I liked the build up of the red siren, and how bored he was, and the origin of the word Barde. That was nice!! Pepper is a great NPC, btw. I am understanding that Ellian is the protagonist, but I feel like The Red Siren could be the OC here for this story, and everyone else is a support character. Very good job Vexxy.

Pat: The Tragedy of The Dawn Courser was an enthralling read. I enjoyed it from start to finish, the writing was tight and it really let you get a feel for the focus character of Ellian. I would have liked to see more of the Red Siren, but what I got of them was pretty good. I also liked the subtle bit of world building around “Music Boxes” and the part they play in Sea Trade. Look forward to seeing what further stories the character can bring.

Nate: I think my favorite part of the story was the culture around music and its importance in this society.  Love to see it. I am not sure if you were references Argonautica, but I also like how bards can essentially outperform sirens and earn safe passage for their ships. I will say I wanted to see a few more twists on the fantasy tropes like you did with a muscian's role on a ship. Overall, I did really enjoy this story and would love to see a follow up on this in some form of thread or another story!


50 flat XP

 
Chelle: A classic dungeon crawler. I found the story charming, a bit forward, and honestly, cute. However, I am a bit confused on who your protagonist is? Was it Sarah? Was it someone else? Was it The Overlord? I am getting the vibes that the Overlord was the true protagonist after all. And, if so, not a bad concept here. Just felt perhaps there could have been some better build up for him, especially if this is a rinse repeat kind of dungeon that this Overlord character is attempting to get out of so he can stop being the target dummy for the dungeon raiders. Either way, good job Vorik!

Pat: It has the bones of a good idea, but lacks the meat to really make it something good. Is Eugenia an RPG world ala Isekai anime or is that unique to the region they come from? Is The Shadow Overlords things only being pushed into being a “Bad Guy”? I’d like to see more about these things.

Nate: Honestly, what you had here was really enjoyable! You had good wit in the writing and had a few lines that got a good chuckle out of me (Slash 2 really got me). Always fun to see a isekai/game like fantasy setting and the boss just being annoyed by the presence of others waas fun. Still, felt like there could've been a bit more to it and felt like you leaned a little too hard on the tropes, would've love to see a bit more of a twist on it! Still, loved it, can't wait to see more!


50 flat XP