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My Nemesis Results

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My Nemesis Results Empty My Nemesis Results

Post by Zonkes on June 16th 2020, 4:04 pm



Character Creation Contest


THEME: My Nemesis


WINNERS


1st Place: Goodbottom and Chellizard

Score: 132

Scores

Zonkes: 71

Vorik: 61



Comments

Zonkes: Chelle: I love this. The twin trope is a very fun one to play with and the story is super well written. I would say that this might just be the best character in the contest. Powers are very creative, the story is really well done and I love the graphics. Honestly showing once again that you are one of the most talented people on SHRP, Chelle.

Nate: Again, not a bad character at all. If I had one complaint, it would just be that the story is a bit lacking but overall a really good character with a really well done sheet.

Vorik: Chelle: Overall, I think this is an excellent character you have going. Having a twin as your rival is a classic and allows for a lot of drama in stories. I was actually separated from my brother when my mother died so I can relate to a lot of the feelings here. Her appearance and personality were easy to understand and I did not need anything more than what was written, it was short, sweet, and to the point. Not entirely comfortable with the use of attempted rape to justify why she is villainous, but I get that it wasnt suppose to be comfortable. Nonetheless I feel a bit manipulated by it. Lastly, I love the idea that she takes it upon herself to “prepare May for greatness” by making her life harder in her caped antics. It's that weird broken logic that makes villainous characters fun.

Nate: Overall, I liked the character, but they came off a bit bland to me. Her personality, while fleshed out, still boils down to just wanting to be good and doing the right thing. While this is the trademark of a hero, I’d still prefer more nuance. Someone who is willing to risk their lives stopping runaway trains and villains who can shoot lasers from their eyes is clearly dealing with something. While I did say I didn’t exactly approve of June Lee’s power awakening story, it still gave that sense of a drive for the character. June Lee, more or less snapped because of something severely traumatizing, May Lee was felt hand waved with her awakening just being “On the night of her sixteenth birthday”. This all being said, I still think this is a good character, but would like to see her get more developed.





Prize

Ghost Slot* for both contestants
200 flat XP for both contestants




2nd Place: Cerek and Eddie

Score: 82


Scores

Zonkes: 44

Vorik: 38



Comments

Zonkes: Eddie So this one… I feel like it could’ve been a lot better. The concept itself isn’t bad, it’s a tried and true concept that generally works well. But you didn’t really do much new with the concept. It also seemed like you wanted to make a weapon more than you wanted to make a character with this one. I just don’t feel the personality from this one.

Cerek Alright, so. Let’s start positively. I never thought I would see the demon version of Daria on SHRP. That’s pretty creative I think personally. I like the face claim you picked. The names for the powers are pretty cool…
Alright, now for the bits that could be improved. The story… while creatively done, is… it makes me uncomfortable to imagine this story unfolding. I don’t believe that was the intention, but if it was; well done. Also, while the names for the powers are creatively done; I don’t believe that the powers themselves were that innovative. Kind of just stock succubus/demon powers tbh. Overall, I like it; but it could’ve been better.

Vorik: Eddie A man who realizes he is a descendant of the Heavens is a solid concept that has been done many times before. I wanted to be surprised by how you did the Angel approach, but I finished feeling like I already read this sort of thing before. There really could have been more to the background of the character to make them more than just an Angel. As it stands, the main thing about Solomon is that he is an Angel. This is the only thing he has going for him though. Everything about him revolves around this, leaving him very 1-dimensional. I know next to nothing about Solomon beyond this. Does he have a family, friends, hobbies other than slaying evil? I don't even know what he looks like as an Angel.

Cerek I liked the version of a succubus you got going here. A lot of the time they are written as jus sex crazed fiends who want nothing else, while yours seems to be more aloof, trollish. This helps her stand out from other Demons people have made in the past. I also like the overview of things she has done as she has lived through the ages shaping the world. The reason I'm giving a 4 in execution is because there is little mention of the contest theme here. The goal was to have a rival to your partner’s character and this isn't it. There are only a few sentences mentioning Eddie’s character and overall your character doesn't even acknowledge them as a threat/rival. Nothing would have been lost if you took out the brief reference to Eddie’s character as there is no actual impact on her life due to him. Rivals are supposed to be a big thing here.






Prize

Ghost Slot* for both contestants
150 flat XP for both contestants


Vorik’s final thoughts




Voriks overall thoughts: The main theme for this contest was Rivals. For every good hero there is an equally good villain. My scores above were judging each person’s sheet separately as I believe even though you are in teams, everyone has their own writing styles and qualities that can’t just be lumped in with someone else. However, it did not feel like there was a lot of communication between the teams beyond just a set idea of a good twin/bad twin and Angel/Demon with no further nuances. Nate told me his idea was a twin with defensive powers while the other had offensive powers, but I didn't get this detail when reading the sheets, all I got was an evil twin/good twin. Eddie’s character’s entire life basically revolves around hunting this Demon that got away while Cerek’s didn't seem to care at all, let alone remember Solomon. I can’t say how you guys were working together behind the scenes , but a lot of this could have been fixed by showing each other works in progress and keeping in touch more than just deciding a dynamic.



*A ghost slot is a character slot that you gain temporarily to allow one more character to your roster. Once you choose to retire a character, you lose that slot. You do not gain a permanent character slot.




Congratulations, everyone!



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